Entry #10: Dreaming of Reality

Am I in safe haven, or false dreams? Sometimes, a person just wonders. What I'm living in right now...is this reality, or a dream of reality? How to know that I'm really here in the present, and not existing simply as a fragment of my own imagination? How indeed...

I feel, sometimes, that I'm not really here, on this realm. So removed from my surroundings, it's more than a daydream, more than detachment..it's like I'm just...not there. When there's no one to understand me, I feel even more separated from the people around me. Cold, distant, feeling nothing but the slightest interest in observing them. But it's all inside, all inside of me. I isolate myself when I'm like this, waiting for my consciousness to restore to humanness. When I feel less...empty, I step out from my temporary sanctuary, taking a deep breath, ready to face the world. In the process, I put up a mask. I never realised until now...what I'm showing the world is simply the side I want them to see. At those times of isolation, I wonder if I have not been temporarily disrupted from a long, long dream I've been creating for myself, a dream to hide myself in, to live my desires with...

If this were reality, then I think I'd be disappointed. But then, what is to be done if it is? Nothing...simply nothing...just that...as long as it's real to me, dream, reality....what's the difference?