What is aloneless? What is loneliness? Are they the same thing?
At times, I'd be surrounded by plenty of people and still...I'd feel that pang of solitude. It's like, I'm with them, but I'm not part of them. It's as though I exist in a different dimension to them. Like I couldn''t connect with them. Like I don't belong...
Why? Despite what some people say about how I socialise easily, despite how friendly I can be, it's just so tiring when I have to go up to someone and pretend. I feel so apart from those people walking down the hallway. Sometimes, when I sit by myself and my friends are just a few steps away...I feel so lonely. It's not just that I feel left out, you know? It's like, they're laughing together and I can't feel like I'm a part of their world and I feel this stab in my chest and I feel like crying... Maybe I'm being a drama queen, maybe I'm exaggerating....but I wasn't kidding about the pain, 'cause it's real.
Why do I crave social contact so? Am I childish? Spoilt? Or attention deprived?Just....why? I feel so out of it, yeah? I so desperately wants someone who can understand me, so desperately want to talk and express my loneliness...just so so lonely.... Oh, Anne, I wish you were here. I miss you so much, girl...At moments like this, I wonder if something's wrong with me. Sure, I have the option of going out to others, but really...
I'm so worn out, Lord. I really, really need and want you by my side. There isn't much I can do with this feeling except to pray that You'll lift this blanket suffocating me, ease the overwhelming dread lingering in my heart...I pray to You, Lord, to enlighten me as to why I feel this way. Amen.
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1 comment:
It's Ok that you feel so. Just open your mind to friends of yours. They'll listen to your voice. If They aren't, just find another friend!
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