It has been quieter now....the storm has receded...for the moment at least. The workload has taken away the initial anxiety I've been feeling recently. Indeed, work can cure such subtle pains...or kill it perhaps. But it has no more long-term effect as a quick fix of sugar when I'm tired. I crash later...
You know, Dr. Goh once said that your state of mind affects how you interpret all the different things you feel....but I'm not sure he's entirely right. Or maybe I'm just a different case. When I'm optimistic, rather than being sorta kinda sure that I'm in it, I feel more like...that's not it. I'm a little more assured that I might not have made a possibly embarrassing (and painful) mistake, and the grip of that paradoxical fear loosens. But in days when I've had it rough, I ache a little more....and I doubt myself a little more. The fear clutches me in an iron grip and throws me out to sea, where I have to struggle to stay above it all. I lose my direction altogether, and there's nothing around me that could draw me out of this confusion. Am I so afraid of mistakes? Or am I afraid of falling in in the first place because I can't tell for sure it's the right place to be? I don't know...
Now, I'm just enjoying the short-lived peace of mind and calm of heart that the moment has provided me. The storm will stir again, of that I'm sure...especially since I'll be seeing you again.
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