Falling out?

It's a bit weird isn't it, lately? At least, that's what I've been feeling. Like I'm falling out with you guys. I want to hang out with you guys, but can't because of the things I needed to do. I couldn't lunch with you guys due to meetings and stuff, couldn't hang out coz I was busy...and I have the feeling lately that I'm not clicking anymore.

When I try to talk to you people, it's like it's nothing more than being superficial. Something's wrong...something's missing. It's as though when I try to talk to you, there's no eagerness to talk. It's uncomfortable. It's awkward.

In all honestly, I felt left out when you guys went ahead and grouped yourselves without any hints of whether you want me in or not. In fact, it felt more like you guys weren't too keen on it. I felt that it was weird, but I thought, hey, we're all grown up. We don't need to be in the same groups all the time.

But my paranoia has only been getting worse. I don't know how to start a conversation with you guys anymore, because it's strangely silent. You guys talk amongst yourselves...but I was never able to include myself, because firstly I had no clue what you guys were harping on about, so I chose to just keep quiet and listen. And when I tried talking, the conversation ended quickly.

Am I being oversensitive? Maybe I am...but it doesn't mean that I deny what I've been feeling. I feel like an outcast, like I'm just an extra of the group...I'm not needed there. That's the vibe I've been getting. And because I still feel that we are friends that I chose not to ask if something was wrong. I don't know if something was indeed off. I don't dare to ask. Was it me? Was it something I did or did not do? Why does it feel like I'm drifting further apart from the group? It's like, having your friends go out and never invite you, yet to hear all about it later...that kind of feeling..

I'm lost and confused about what's happening. I think I'm being paranoid...maybe just too touchy lately. But it doesn't help that I really feel that you guys don't seem to want to talk. Maybe I'm just being weird lately...but it's making me lonely...